Broken China

So it has been a week and a half since staff left project and let me tell you...it has been an adventure. We have such a great leadership team and they have put in countless hours to ensure that the student-led portion of project is better than the staff-led portion. I would have to say that our student leadership team has been doing a phenomenal job at challenging us through action groups (bible studies) and through our weekly talks. I have never been so mind-blown than I have these past two weeks of bible studies. Our theme for the second part of project is "I AM..." and this theme has been so good for me. I'm able to learn more about the characteristics of God that are presented in 1 John. Last week we studied how God is eternal and that is such an awesome thing to think about. I mean, God has no beginning or end and He is always there keeping His promises. This week's theme is "I AM...Light" and to be completely honest, this is a hard idea for me to wrap my mind around. God is light and He is the one that illuminates my life so that I don't have to live in complete darkness, which would be my sins. I just struggle with the idea of God being light, maybe I am just over thinking all of this. I'm definitely going to have to dig deeper into this idea of God being light in order to really grasp it and to understand it better for myself.

I have been challenged through the studies and the talks, but I'm not starting to feel project take its toll on me. My broken china is now coming out and I'm revealing the real Linds to people. I've given off the idea that I'm always happy and bubbly, but in reality, I have my quiet moments where I don't want to talk and I just need time to myself. Being around people 24/7 is more draining than I have ever thought. I have always believed that I enjoyed being around people and that I could do it ALL the time, but project has been teaching me so much about myself, and I now need me time in order to gain energy. I'm definitely realizing that I'm in the middle of being an extrovert and an introvert. I love the time that I get to spend with the people on project, but I also love the time that I get to myself where I can process things, have quality time with Jesus and to just relax. I have also learned that I enjoy one-on-one time rather than big groups. I have much better conversations that are way more intentional with people when it is one-on-one rather than in a bigger group setting. I find it so interesting that whenever I'm slightly quieter than normal people automatically assume that something is wrong with me...Sometimes I just enjoy being quiet and not being loud.

The whole idea behind the broken china is from a talk that Bacho did when he was still here. He had told us that at the beginning of project we had our fine china out. Our fine china is when we act like we have it all together and we don't show our brokeness to each other. We want people to see that we have it all together (which I am so guilty of). Our broken china shows our cracks and just how we are struggling to hold it all together. It shows were we have been chipped and broken for God's kingdom and how we are showing the real us. I'm loving this opportunity to see people's broken china and to see them being real with one another. I'm trying to embrace my own broken china and I'm trying to act like I don't have it all together because I don't. I'm still figuring out what that looks like for me because I want people to see my brokenness especially other believers.

I pray that everyone on project is able to expose our broken china and that we can grow closer together because of it!