The End is Near....

This exact time in a week, I will be back in good ole North Carolina. I will be back in North Carolina, not in Chicago no more. This is so crazy. Who knew that my summer would go by so quick and that I would already be on my way to going home. I cannot believe that 8 weeks are already over. Monday begins week 9 and my last one in the Windy City. God has taught me so much this summer and I guess I'll recap what He has taught me over the past 8 weeks.

God has taught me a ton about being vulnerable with people, especially with my fellow sisters-in-Christ. I have never fully grasp why I should be vulnerable and what it looks like for me to be vulnerable. My vulnerability looks really cool with certain people. I find myself being very open about my struggles and about what God has been teaching me. I have found myself wanting to share my struggles with other girls on project and it's so cool the conversations that arise because we are sharing in our struggles with the sin in our lives. It is hard some times to be completely open with other people and I always finding myself not wanting to be as open as much as God wants me to. It has been an ongoing process of learning to be vulnerable with other believers and to not let my pride get in the way of me sharing my deepest struggles. God has also been showing me what a community of believers look like. It has been really encouraging to be able to see a group of 70 college students loving Christ and living for Him and how we are all able to interact with each other because of that common ground. I've never really experienced what it means to have real friendships and ones that I know will last for a lifetime. I know that this group of people will always be there for me and I think I can finally see what a real friendship based solely on Christ looks like for me.

This past Thursday, we all got a little special encouragement note in our encouragement folders. People kept telling me to go get mine, but I decided to wait until after the meeting. I opened my little packet and saw that I had little encouraging notes from the people that I love the most. I had some from my friends back at ECU and some from family members. The most ridiculous thing was that I saw my Daddy's name on one sheet and the tears came falling down. I hadn't even read one line or anything, just seeing my sweet Daddy's name on that note made me tear up. This is when I'm so thankful for my sweet dear friends here at project because they made me feel so much better and they all know how to comfort me when I'm balling. I finally had time to read through all of the letters and God really knew this was perfect timing for me to get them. Each note really struck me with sincerity and it actually made me miss home more than I had all summer. Knowing that these people were constantly praying for me and for my relationship with the Lord while I am in Chicago is so humbling. One of my super dear friends, Mackenzie, wrote me a note that contained the words I needed to hear. She wrote that I needed to not think of project coming to an end, but to continue to live everyday in the moment and to strive for God in everything that I do. I have found myself getting into the mindset that since project is coming to an end that I don't need to keep getting to know people or to talk to people on campus, when really, I should continue to strive for sharing the gospel daily and to building relationships with people on project.

So...my prayer this week is that I go out with a bang and leave a legacy behind that will only glorify God. I will not think about the end, but enjoy the now..the now that I get to spend with the most amazing people ever..the now that I get to learn more and more about my Heavenly Father...the now that I get to live in Chicago...and the now that I get to learn more about myself as a chosen daughter of God.

2 Week Countdown

Today marks exactly two weeks that I have left in Chicago and with my CSP family. I never anticipated project being over this quick. It blows my mind that I've been here for 7 weeks and that my time is almost up. I can't even describe how I feel about this. Thinking about going home brings so many different emotions within me. Part of me is really excited to go home to see my sweet dear family and to begin my next adventure of college and the other part of me is really depressed that I have to leave the friends (really family) that I have up here in Chicago. And it also sucks that most of my CSP family is from up north so it'll be harder for me to see them physically. I guess that I'll be using Skype and my phone quite a lot once I leave to keep in contact with the people that I have grown super close to. Who knew that I would become close friends with people that I've only known for 7 weeks. I don't think any of my previous relationships have developed this quick. This is just a testament to how God can really bring people together to glorify Him in their friendships. God has been so good to me these past 7 weeks and He has made me fall in love with Him even deeper. I'm ready to live out these next two weeks and make some super fabulous memories with the wonderful people on project and with God.

I would ask that y'all pray for my heart. That God would begin to prepare it for me leaving this reality of project and transitioning into the reality that I have to face when I return home. It is going to be a rough transition for sure.

Broken China

So it has been a week and a half since staff left project and let me tell you...it has been an adventure. We have such a great leadership team and they have put in countless hours to ensure that the student-led portion of project is better than the staff-led portion. I would have to say that our student leadership team has been doing a phenomenal job at challenging us through action groups (bible studies) and through our weekly talks. I have never been so mind-blown than I have these past two weeks of bible studies. Our theme for the second part of project is "I AM..." and this theme has been so good for me. I'm able to learn more about the characteristics of God that are presented in 1 John. Last week we studied how God is eternal and that is such an awesome thing to think about. I mean, God has no beginning or end and He is always there keeping His promises. This week's theme is "I AM...Light" and to be completely honest, this is a hard idea for me to wrap my mind around. God is light and He is the one that illuminates my life so that I don't have to live in complete darkness, which would be my sins. I just struggle with the idea of God being light, maybe I am just over thinking all of this. I'm definitely going to have to dig deeper into this idea of God being light in order to really grasp it and to understand it better for myself.

I have been challenged through the studies and the talks, but I'm not starting to feel project take its toll on me. My broken china is now coming out and I'm revealing the real Linds to people. I've given off the idea that I'm always happy and bubbly, but in reality, I have my quiet moments where I don't want to talk and I just need time to myself. Being around people 24/7 is more draining than I have ever thought. I have always believed that I enjoyed being around people and that I could do it ALL the time, but project has been teaching me so much about myself, and I now need me time in order to gain energy. I'm definitely realizing that I'm in the middle of being an extrovert and an introvert. I love the time that I get to spend with the people on project, but I also love the time that I get to myself where I can process things, have quality time with Jesus and to just relax. I have also learned that I enjoy one-on-one time rather than big groups. I have much better conversations that are way more intentional with people when it is one-on-one rather than in a bigger group setting. I find it so interesting that whenever I'm slightly quieter than normal people automatically assume that something is wrong with me...Sometimes I just enjoy being quiet and not being loud.

The whole idea behind the broken china is from a talk that Bacho did when he was still here. He had told us that at the beginning of project we had our fine china out. Our fine china is when we act like we have it all together and we don't show our brokeness to each other. We want people to see that we have it all together (which I am so guilty of). Our broken china shows our cracks and just how we are struggling to hold it all together. It shows were we have been chipped and broken for God's kingdom and how we are showing the real us. I'm loving this opportunity to see people's broken china and to see them being real with one another. I'm trying to embrace my own broken china and I'm trying to act like I don't have it all together because I don't. I'm still figuring out what that looks like for me because I want people to see my brokenness especially other believers.

I pray that everyone on project is able to expose our broken china and that we can grow closer together because of it!

An Emotional Week

This past week has been full of a lot of different emotions for me. To start off with, this was the last week for staff. They have all finished their jobs on this project and now it is up to us students to lead and finish up this project the way we want to. So last Thursday, we all found out our jobs for the remainder of project. I am co-leading the meetings team. So basically, I am in charge of planning our Monday and Thursday night meetings with my team of 8. I'm so excited for this leadership position because I know God will use it to challenge me and to draw me closer to Him. With everyone finding out their jobs, that means that there is no longer a need for staff to be here. I still cannot believe it is already time for them to leave. They have all been so awesome, encouraging, and fun to be with. Why do they have to leave???

This past Tuesday was my last D-Time with Erin. It was a super sweet time and I couldn't have asked for anything more. We went to the Starbucks by IIT's campus and had some cold coffee since it was blazing hot outside. We had some great conversations about relationships, purity, and modesty. These are just some things that I have been thinking a lot about and it was so great to get Erin's thoughts on them as an older and wiser woman of God. She really gave me some insight from her own experiences and just what she has really learned from God about these topics as she has grown in her faith. It was definitely the best talk we have had thus far and I'm so excited to see what other conversations we will have in the future (even though we'll be like a million miles apart). As part of our last D-Time together, she gave me my Vision Plan. This was the best things since I don't even know what. The Vision Plan is something that every Discipler does for their disciple. Erin did mine on this super cute stationary. She started off my Vision Plan with my strengths that she sees in me. Let me just say this was such an encouragement because I definitely do not know how people perceive me, but everything she said fit me perfectly. The one term she used for me which I had never heard was "spunky." That makes me feel so good to know that I actually do have a little spunk in my personality. It is always an encouragement to me when people tell me how they see me and the good qualities that I have. I don't think people do this enough. We don't tell other people their strengths enough, or at least I know that I don't. So the rest of my Vision Plan included some short term and long term goals and things that I need to continue to develop. Erin also included her Vision for my life as a child and follower of Christ. Everything that Erin included in my Vision Plan as a whole is so true of my life and what I strive to do with my life as I continue to follow Christ. Erin also gave me this adorable journal that was gold and orange and a purple pen all to symbolize ECU. I thought that the encouraging time was going to end with my D-Time, but it surely did not. In bible study that same day, we did 60 seconds of encouragement. So we went around in a circle and for 60 seconds showered that one person with encouraging words. It was so cool and fun and even a little embarrassing. It was awesome because we all kept going over the 60 seconds for each person. When it was my turn to be showered, something that one of the girls said really struck me. She said that I was the "mom of project" and this is kind of true. I'm always making sure everyone is OK and are being taken care of. I have to thank God for that character trait that He has instilled in me. Because God takes care of me so well, I am able to take care of others. So overall, Tuesday was completely filled with encouraging words and I loved every second of it.

So last night (Thursday) was our last night with our staff here on CSP '12. It makes me super sad that they are leaving, especially the ones that I have grown close to. I have came up with a new motto...it's not goodbyes but see ya later. I have to keep reminding myself that I WILL see these people again somehow and somewhere. It just amazes me how God allows people to get so close to one another in such a short period of time. He definitely brings people into our lives for special reasons and the people that I have been able to share life with in the last 5 weeks as been so touching to me. That I would get so close to these people and that I would want them to stay here to experience the rest of project with me.

I'm so ready to begin our new chapter of CSP '12 and see how God will use these last 5 weeks. I know He is going to do some amazing things and He is going to really challenge the heck out of us. It will be so awesome to grow closer to everyone and to really focus on our friendships and spending quality time together as well as learning so much more about our Heavenly Father and who He is.